Fuck up Life.....

Im sooo fucking stress..... Theres soo many things in my mind..... I jus clueless nor knowing where to start with.... I wish Im in NS rite now... I dont really hav a home to call.. The least when Im in NS i could stay in camp... n Be alone as usual.... I really accepted the type of life Im having... Jus a lonely person.. Living n having goals for myself... Should i call myself childish or should i saying... Im too Independent n not try to leave a gap for someone special to enter my life?.... Its not i didnt try... I did.. but things aint goin as u think it suppose to be... Maybe in my mind... All I needed is jus my late mom... but shes aint around anymore.. I should be more open n get to know new ppl... But im jus the type... I rather be alone then making more stupid memories.... Haiss... for now... I jus wish to stay with my grandma... she's my only person i love for now... Theres no one else.. After NS i jus wish to buy a own hse... Live with my two lovely cat.... n No one else.... haiss... Can my life get any worse then this... Im not asking for it but... Im receiving it... Does anyone hav problems like me.. But mine... Its jus too much... Trust me.. Its hard to find sumore who is suffering badly like me.... All of this shit.... is isnt jus a Complicated nor Confuse.... Its Conflict........ I love my Late Mom n Grandma... Forever...